We've all been there. You get all hyped for a first date, have to pick something sexy to wear, and endlessly worry about how the whole thing will go down. If you have a first date coming up and you need some tips (in combination with a good laugh) to kick your first-date jitters, then feel free to read on. Here are my sarcastic and hopefully helpful tips to avoid screwing up your first date!
DO – bring flowers! This isn’t even directed at men. Men or women should come to a date bringing flowers because it’s a sweet, romantic gesture that will give off a great impression to your plus one. If you’re a dude, it’ll show that you thought about the date beforehand and considered in what ways you could make it more special, and if you’re a woman, it will show that you don’t care who wears the pants in this twosome as long as it’ll put a smile on your partner’s face! It’s a win-win. And really, who honestly doesn’t love receiving flowers?
DON'T – Take a bite from your date’s plate. This is more socially acceptable when you’re actually in a relationship, but doing so on a first date feels as invasive as going through your partner’s naked and shamefully awkward baby photos or rummaging through their underwear drawer. Keep in mind that, even if you feel like you’re hitting it off and the chemistry feels like it’s through the roof, you are still on a first date and still trying to get to know each other. If they offer you a bite, you should feel welcome (and honored!) to accept it, but don’t assume that, because you’re at the same dinner table, that both plates are up for grabs.
DON'T YOU DARE – lick your hands on a date. I don’t care if you spilled the most delectable, incredible, scrumptious sauce on your hand and you’re desperately eager to lick it off. It’s gross. If I’m watching you lick your hands on a date, all I’ll be thinking about for the rest of the night is how those nasty little hands covered in your saliva will be embracing me for a goodbye hug, resulting in me being required to wash my clothes (germaphobia leads to paranoia) and ultimately delete your number. I say this advice from first hand experience (pun intended): It’s not okay.
DO – dress to impress. No, no, you don’t need sequins, fringe, and whatever other “special occasion” clothes you have packed away in the back of your closet, waiting to see the light of day, but you should wear something that’ll serve your body right. For guys, you can’t go wrong with a crisp button down and some nice pants. For women, you have significantly more options, which may make this process more or less challenging. Wear something modest that will speak to your personality, but remember to keep in mind the occasion you’re dressing for. No matter how good you look, if you come to a nice restaurant in (nice) jeans, you’re still going to look sloppy. If anything, Google some ideas so you don’t get caught in a dealbreaker.
DON'T – wait in the car when you pick your date up. I know it’s the 21st century and everyone is all about using their phones to notify you when they’re outside, but it doesn’t leave a great impression when you can’t be bothered to come to the door. Take the couple of extra steps and ring the doorbell. Whoever answers the door will be impressed by your initiative, and if it’s the parents, you’re already earning brownie points. Little things can go a long way.
DON'T YOU DARE – double-book dates. When we’re dating, we’re sure to get caught up in the thrill of the cat and mouse game that is finding the right one. It’s tricky (and exciting), I get it. But booking two dates in one day and scheduling so that you have limited time for each date is actually counterproductive. What if the date goes really well and if the lovely lady (or gentleman) asks you if you want to go back to their place or to see a movie afterwards? What do you say? “Sorry, I know this date went really well and all but prior to us going on said date, I was already under the assumption that you wouldn’t be the one for me, and decided to book one afterwards that would make my pain and suffering worthwhile”? I mean, that’s basically what it translates to. There’s no shame in going on multiple dates if the first date is a bust, but don’t get caught in a web of lies over your populated agenda. Go on the date, see how it goes, and then make a decision on whether you want to go for round two or take a shot at round one again with a different partner.
What would be your ultimate “do”s, “do not”s, and “don’t you dare”s for a first date?
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